Against The Stream

When I was young there was not so much guidance at school. Luckely my mother had some sort of an idea to keep me happy. I felt misunderstood, many times. Not that I was a bad kid or anything but I needed to be on the water to understand life. I needed to question education to understand learning. Inspired by Dennis Stehr (Mr. Probz) I wrote this post.

be like you

I had my problems with education and all kinds of stuff. I started writing about my feelings when I was sixteen. It was a way to understand my loneliness in life. My friends had girlfriends, friends and the coolest surfset. And I, I wanted to be like them. I would take over the world and get acknowledged for my effort and ideas.

on the stage

During the last year of my study at the University, School of Sports Studies they put me stage. I was nervous like crazy. But I liked it and I was hungry. I tought I was an appreciated lecturer and a honoured coach and anything. I wasn’t the best or the strongest. But they kept saying that my ideas where original, that I could inspire people. You have to do something with it, they said. I didn’t design and write about education and learning back than, but I was dedicated to see where I could take this. Curriculum development, education and performance coaching at that time was very program based. I got involved because of children, youngsters and later on extreme sports athletes. I want to give learning back to life so people can trust on their own talents to become their best self.


The day my sister died I felt she was the wrong woman, at the wrong place, at the wrong time. There is a time before and after that in my life. I didn’t have the change to say my goodbyes, to hold her, protect her and to say I love her. I felt my life passing by. I felt really bad. What if I would meet my maker at that time, I would feel asshamed because I didn’t made something of my life. I didn’t even started yet. But I have a change, my sister changes and life were taken away. So I decided to dedicate my life to learning and empowering people to become their best self.

against the stream

have to do it

I had a lot of goals and emotions. I had trouble focussing. I felt to young to lose my sister. I felt to unexperienced to do good. Being busy creating learning experiences made me happy. At times that felt really uncomfortable. I was scared, wanted to quit and at the same time I had to do it and kept on learning. I was scared, but this is it – this is what I wanted. It felt like flying. I tried stuff I never did before. I looked at it as a challenge. It was hard some times. Those experiences I needed to get where I wanted to be. I’m not good or anything but I did what I believed in and kept learning. That resulted in friendships and prices, and that made me stronger. Now I know that there is something that is drowing me. It’s not one thing, it’s more than that.

The song of Mr. Probz evokes that feeling that I love and hate at the same time. It’s me, it’s who I am and what makes me me.

My face above the water,
My feet can’t touch the ground,
And it feels like I can see the sands on the horizon everytime you are not around,
I’m slowly drifting away,
Wave after wave,
Wave after wave,
I’m slowly drifting, drifting away,
And it feels like I’m drowning,
Pulling against the stream,
Pulling against the stream,
I wish I could make it easy,
Easy to love me,
But still I reach, to find a way,
I’m stuck here in between,
I’m looking for the right words to say,
I’m slowly drifting, drifting away,
Wave after wave,
Pulling against the stream.

Hopefully their is someone out there that feels inspired and empowered to become their best self. To me it’s very forfilling to play a small part in it, sometimes.


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